aimee

10:52 am: aaargh
My inability to make life decisions continues...

So I'm all leaning towards new york and I talked to sasha and we both kind of accepted that moving to ny by may 1st just isn't going to happen. So then I was thinking, well, maybe around September, which, it turns out, would work out great, because Sasha's next living situation kind of fell through and it's only going to work out until September 1 (which involves my ex-boyfriend moving in with his new girlfriend of 6 months, but that's a-whole-nother story). Perfect, right?

But then yesterday I was looking around on the Office of Personnel Management website and it turns out the promotion I would get here would pay a lot more than I originally thought. I'm not one of those people who cares about divulging salaries, so I'll just tell you. I originally thought the promotion would be 37,000, but I was wrong and it turns out I would actually make a little more than 43,000. Already I was thinking that moving to NY would involve taking a pay cut since my salary now is better than publishing salaries in ny. I was hoping that I could get a job in ny that pays at least 30,000, since more than that is pretty unrealistic. 43,000 is a lot more than 30,000. And this promotion would be a really good job, career-wise.

But DC kind of sucks and none of my real friends are here. so, you can see why I'm so fucking confused.

I suppose I just have to look for jobs in new york and decide what to do if I find anything good up there. and find out from my boss when this promotion would happen, since I asked him to give me a time-frame more than two months ago and he still hasn't given me any answers. Which is a prime example of the agonizingly slow way of things in the government. which is another reason I want out.

bleh.

04:19 pm: boredom
This day is going by SO slowly. Which is weird, because yesterday went by really fast. And I have to work late tonight too, not necessarily because I have so much to do, but because I need to work up some comp time because I'm going to minneapolis.

I'm still not any closer to figuring out whether I'm staying in DC or moving to NY. I go back and forth. Today, however, is one of my "hate DC" days. I hate DC. It's so lame. No one ever comes to visit me, rightfully so, because DC sucks. My neighborhood is boring and I don't feel safe there. Really what it comes down to is that I HATE living by myself. I'm bored and lonely.

Which is why I got a beta fish. His name is Mr. Jones and I love him. He sure hates me, though. He always gives me dirty looks and yesterday I had to put him in a teeny little jam jar (just temporarily) while I changed his water and cleaned his bowl, and he really didn't like that. He's really pretty and is shaped like a bullet. He's my new best friend.

Okay, I'm just kidding. Mr. Jones is not really my new best friend. I'm not that pathetic. At least, I don't think I am.

So tonight I'll work late. I'm going to go get a burrito for dinner and bring it back to the office. Then I have chorus rehearsal. I'm excited about chorus because I've switched to being an alto instead of a screechingly high, nobody-should-have-to-sing-that-high-EVER soprano. Our June concert is going to be the Mozart and Salieri Requiems with a full orchestra. I'm pretty excited for it. That is, if I'm still even here in June.

02:59 pm: life--gah.
So I chose February 1st as the day to tell my boss I'm leaving. So what does he do? Calls me into his office on January 31st to tell me that when this woman in my office retires (either in march or may) he'd like me to apply for her job. Which would be a lot more money, a much better job (I'd be a "writer/editor" instead of an "editorial assistant"), and my own office. And he'd hire someone else for my current job. God, I would get SUCH a big kick out of making someone else do really annoying errands all the time, like filling out a million government forms a day and going to fedex all the time. And I'd just sit in my office and work on my books...

The problem with this is that I just don't trust it happening in a timely fashion. Everything takes so long in the government, and I could just see this dragging on and me not officially moving into the new job for, like, another year. Seriously. And I do NOT want to get stuck here waiting for something that takes forever to happen, since I've already been doing that for a year and a half (long story; I won't go into it).

I think I want to get a masters in Liberal Studies. Is that way too fluffy? It just sounds so cool, because it's like "you can study a little bit of everything." Just like college! I mean, I would focus on English and Society. But I honestly think that a masters in liberal studies would be more applicable to a career in publishing than a masters in English.

Anwyway, these are my current life issues. I'm a confused little girl.

11:29 pm: new year's resolutions
This year, my new year's resolutions were totally straightforward. BUT I have yet to even TRY to keep any of them. wtf? What is wrong with me? Would a little effort kill me? I'm totally disappointed in and, yes, disgusted with myself. For your reference, my resolutions were--and I guess still are:

1. Quit smoking
2. Drink more water.
3. Get better night's of sleep, especially on work nights.

Sounds simple, right? I think the moral of the story is: I suck. BUT, I will try to be positive. Just because I haven't done them yet doesn't mean all hope is lost. I just need to do it, that's all. Have some freaking restraint and willpower. Okay? Okay.

In other news, I just saw the Life Aquatic. I had heard mixed reactions from friends whose movie opinions I respect, so I didn't know what to expect, but I suspected I would like it. And I did. But I still like Bottle Rocket the best.

Famous people whose babies I would have:

1. Owen Wilson
2. Jon Stewart
3. Ben Stiller
4. Mos Def

02:43 pm: not sick...yet
geez, everyone is sick lately. All of you people, people at work, people in my chorus, my brother... the list goes on and on. I don't want to get sick! And I hope all of you feel better.

Last week and the beginning of this week were the most busy I think I've ever been at work. I had some really good work days though, where I was just chugging away and getting a lot done and it made me wonder why I don't do that more often. It's amazing how much better I work when I've gotten a decent night's sleep. I think I've wasted a lot of opportunity at this job by coming in tired most of the time and not having my brain function very well. Now I almost feel like it's too late to be better about it, since I'm planning on leaving in the spring anyway.

I just went out for my afternoon walk and stopped to get a cookie, but when I went to pay for it I realized I had left my wallet at the office. But this nice guy behind me said "that's okay, I'll get it." Isn't that so nice? I told him I'd do the same for someone else next time the opportunity arises.

I've never watched 24 before, but I watched the four-hour, two-day season premier and I think I'm hooked. I mean, what's Jack going to do now? He's been arrested, but he needs to get to his girlfriend and her father before she's killed and he's assassinated over the internet. I'm also hooked on Desperate Housewives. I know that, like, all of America is too, but I don't mind.

Last night I had a really fun chorus rehearsal. Our next concert is going to be all Bulgarian music and a lot of it is really cool. We were singing these two songs in 8/8, but the beats are separated into 1-2-3, 1-2, 1-2-3. At first we just sang it with numbers and it was really fun, but it got hard when we tried to add the Bulgarian.

I wish it were the end of the day so I could leave! Although I have to hang out with someone tonight who I really don't want to. But I feel like I have to because we used to be really good friends and then he wanted more and I didn't and now everything's weird and I don't even like him anymore. He got all passive aggressive for a while so I started to be bitchy and blow him off all the time. I just feel bad about the whole thing. Anyway.

05:18 pm: oh my bejeezus
So I've decided to give live journal another go. first things first:

maya rock: I'm sorry I'm an asshole about being in touch. can you please give me your email address since I don't think i have it any more. mine is just my first and last name @gmail.

So I'm back at work and I wish I were still on vacation. I had a lovely time at home and got to see some people in ny on new year's eve eve which was awesome. I liked to think of it as a night in honor of Lindsay and me since we were the out-of-towners. So, really, you see, it was all in our honor. missed out on lindsay's brunch though, which stinks because 1)I really wanted to give lindsay her present, 2)I really wanted to see Lindsay on her birthday and help her celebrate since I absolutely love birthdays, and 3)it would have been nice to see everyone else that went since any friend of lindsay's is a friend of mine...

this morning I did that thing where the alarm is set for PM instead of AM. I hate when that happens. and this isn't a good week to be slacking off because not only do I have an overwhelming amount of shit to do, but I also have to work six hours of overtime sometime in the next few days since I took to much vacation last week. That may not sound like a lot of overtime for some people, but for me, six extra hours is a lot since I find working 45 hours a week extremely difficult in the first place.

Oh, and maya, I just saw napoleon dynamite last night and loved it. If you ever watch it again, try smoking a big fat bowl first.

11:34 am: blah
Today I am depressed. I miss everybody in New York and I miss doing stuff like making salad and guacamole and hanging out at 9 Wyckoff. I feel like everybody is having so much fun without me and everybody doesn't even notice that I'm not around and everyone is so happy, la la la. This is probably the result of 1)getting my period, 2)talking to Dan last night who is just so chock full of fun activities that he doesn't even remember to miss me, and 3)reading Lindsay's journal and feeling like, "hey, i should've been a part of that, too." I'm superbusy with random social activities and whatever else to keep me from thinking that I'm lonely and bored but every once in awhile I remember, "oh yeah, i don't really have any friends where I live." Which isn't really true but sometimes you just need to wallow, you know?

03:32 pm: sasha weekend
I got to hang out with Sasha this weekend which was the best ever. I met her at some bar on the waterfront where everyone was dressed up like hoochie mamas (us included). A guy I work with happened to be there so we hung out with him and his friend which was cool since I have never really hung out with him outside of work. Then we met up with kevin simmons for a few minutes but he was on his way to virginia and we didn't want to pay for a cab all the way there and all the way back. Cabs are damn expensive!
On Sunday Andy Cohen came down from Baltimore and the three of us hung out for awhile, listening to music and making my teddy bear and stuffed gay tigers dance. It was fun. They left and I went to meet Kevin at a barbecue, and even though neither of us knew the hosts, we were the lasts guests there and helped clean up and stuff and then wished good luck to the girl whose goodbye party it was. We went out for a drink at this awesome bar with the cool cats playing sort of jazzy, brazilian kind of music and there were about a million couches in the bar which made for good jokes like "Do you want to sit down?" "Yeah, I'd love to find a couch to sit on." "Hmmm...a couch, yeah that would be nice, I wonder if they have those here..."
So of course Kevin and I stayed out real late and I got home around 1:30 but I couldn't go to sleep without reading a few chapters of the love of my life, the Fountainhead. So I went to bed after two and needless to say, this has been the worst monday in a long time. Not to mention I smoked about a million cigarettes last night and now I feel like shit.
But, to end on a high note, I had a great weekend. so there.

04:38 pm: owen wilson
Love him. I've always loved Owen Wilson and I still do. I find him incredibly attractive and funny and his voice, although distinctive, has never bothered me. I like Luke too, but I've never really been into Luke because he's just not Owen.

Lindsay, for the love of God, make your freaking writing readable. I don't care if you don't like how it looks--you're not the one who has to look at it. I won't name names, but someone once told me that sometimes they don't even bother reading your postings because the type is so annoyingly small (don't get offended--it's not you, it's the type). So there. Also, call me already.

04:41 pm: enormous growing penis
Yesterday a bunch of us left work to go over to the Botanical
Gardens to see the biggest flower in the world. No,
literally. It's called the amorphophallus titanum (tranlsation: the incredibly huge growing penis), and
it only grows in sumatra. It can be up to seven feet
tall and only blooms about twice a decade. When it
opens, it smells strongly of rotten flesh, an odor that
attracts its pollen carriers, the carrion beetle. Go
to these links for pictures (actually, you'll have to
cut and paste because I don't know how to do links):

http://www.ftg.org/blooms/amorphophallus2003.html
http://www.ftg.org/images/amorph625a.JPG
http://www.ftg.org/blooms/amorphophallus01.html

We had to wait on line for 45 minutes but at least now
I can say I saw the biggest flower in the world. It
was only 1/3 of the way open, so it didn't smell as
much as usual, but it did smell pretty darn bad.